OPEN CALL: Crypts of Corporate Memphis Anthology

We here at Human Resources Press have an exciting announcement! We are soliciting an open call for the CRYPTS OF CORPORATE MEMPHIS anthology to be released next summer.

Human Resources Press is committed to advancing small press weird fiction into the 21st Century. Horror for its own sake is increasingly stale and backwards looking, and we wish to do something no other Weird Fiction small press has ever attempted by releasing a thematic collection looking forward. The future seeks to move beyond editorial tampering and old tropes. Horror for its own sake is played out, what we need is something new- something contemporary to really chill us to our bones. Make us quiver, make us question our sanity in the cosmic void.

What We Want

-Fully original stories you will not find anywhere else. Cosmic Horror, deep boundary-pushing fiction that breaks all the rules.

-Seeking the home for that piece that has never been accepted? Its Here! Be adventurous, be terrifying, challenge our perceptions.

-Authors of diverse backgrounds.

-Show us something that has never seen before in print!

Your Original Submission Will

-Be Between 50-5,000 words, preferably between 450-600 words. Ideally, exactly 500. The further from this golden mean the word count is, the less likely your submission is to be accepted.

-Communicate a novella’s worth of concepts and events with the brevity of flash fiction.

-Be stunning, avant-garde, and boundary pushing without making any of our editors psychologically uncomfortable.

-Have 1.75 inch margins, custom pi-divisible spacing, double spaced except for dialogue which is single spaced, and use Arial font except for the first and last sentences of each section, which will be delineated by the use of Times New Roman.

-A cover letter of no more than 50 words which includes your name, resume, life goals, prior submissions, social security number, and signed third party proof that your employers both past and present have never once declared you problematic.

-If you are writing in a subgenre that was popular before the 21st Century, you must include a second cover letter (minimum 1,000 words) explaining why you are breaking with all the most societally damaging tropes of those times.

-Content warnings. The last thing anyone wants to feel while reading horror is the ick.

What we do NOT want:

-Anything that will disturb our editors. The cosmic void is one thing, causing psychological distress to a divorced English Major is another.

-Subtext without first clearing bullet-pointing the themes. Ideally in the voices of the characters (but naturally), we don’t want readers to get lost!

-Violence against vulnerable groups. This includes children, animals, women, the disabled, the obese, long COVID sufferers, and editors.

-Present tense, future, tense, dialogue written in an accent, indented paragraphs, words that require a thesaurus, compound sentences, slang, and conjugations.

-Characters of diverse backgrounds. Only write what you personally know from childhood and nothing else. All characters from outside of the submitters’ ethnic or religious background will be seen as cultural appropriation and your manuscript will be rejected.

Sound good?

Send your manuscript to @Mcskaileighlough.HRP. All accepted authors will be paid $5 per story and given a free copy (PDF only) of the collection to be mailed to your address (at your expense).

Let your imagination soar!

We Must Defend International Roman Law From the Axis of Zoroastrianism

A guest post by Senator Titus Aenus Probusfistus

I was at the vomitorium the other day with my esteemed colleagues of the Centralae Faction of the Senate, when the inevitable unfortunate reality of the Little Booted Emperor reared its ugly head in discussion. Most of the company was aghast of course that the Blonde Bumbler would declare his horse a member of our esteemed institution. I recommended offering a compromise: That we accept the top half of a horse instead, rather than the entire thing. This was met with sage approval and the counter-proposal will go out at our next assembly.

The fact that our august institution must be so debased as to humor Emperor Caligula’s merest and most erratic whims goes far further than this, however. Did you hear he is planning to declare war upon Neptune and the very sea itself? Madness! Such an action is not a real war, and a real war is what we need right now to remind people of the power of our ancient Roman institutions. As well as their continuing relevance in a world beset by peril.

Have the people forgotten World Punic War II? When the forces of the underworld strove to conquer the world and were only repelled by the forces of Jupiter’s light? Have they forgotten when Hannibal was reincarnated to challenge Roman law again in the forms of Mithradates VI, Philip V, Amanirenas, Arminius, and Boudica? In each of these battles we reaffirmed that the Pax Romana was the only way of being; a true and Platonic path towards an end of history. Everything was going just fine until Little Boots came along and singlehandedly ruined everything.

If we do not confront the Parthian King Gotarzes II NOW all of this will be in peril. The very legitimacy of international Roman Law is on the line in Arabia Petraea. It was Parthia, after all, that installed Caligula as their puppet ruler, enabling them to spread an anti-Roman coalition to Nubia, Armenia, and Dacia united under one principle: their hatred for our laws and freedoms. This Axis of Zoroastrianism now plots to extinguish our way of life once and for all. They plot to conquer the entire world, from the Pillars of Hercules to the Kingdom of Punt. All will thus bend the knee to Persian tyranny.

But the solution is clear: the mobilization of 50,000 legions driving into Mesopotamia will quickly topple the regime and restore our interrupted destiny, finally bringing about the Platonic unity which has been so rudely interrupted by the current embarrassment on the throne. It will be of no consequence to restructure Parthia into a law-loving republic where the name Socrates is on the lips of every upstanding citizen in lieu of the name of Zoroaster. Eternal peace will then reign for both of our people, as the sensible precept administrators we refer to as the Yglesiaii assure us.

Otherwise there will only be more Caligulas, forever, as the laws of our institutions are sacrificed in another modern Battle of Cannae. Tell me Citizens, are you with the New Hannibal, or are you with Scipio? The moral arc of the timeless forms is with us if we just pick up the gladius once more.

Titus Aenus Probusfistus is a Senator, chairman of the Humane Slavery Society, and Senior Citizen at the Anti-Cincinnatus Foundation.