A Bit of a Halloween special for my regulars. I had the idea for a mock trailer in the style of 70s and 80s B-horror movies but since I lack the ability to quickly turn out a film in time for the holiday you get a short script instead. Anyway, enjoy ‘Cancelled‘ (released in the UK under the title ‘Polypans‘ and in Italy as ‘Zombi V: House of Deadness.’
A large van with an early 60s design but with futuristic accents such as hydrogen power plugs and slick almost hovering wheels pulls up to the end of an abandoned looking dirt road at the edge of the woods. Four teenagers dressed in a hybrid style between the 90s and the early 60s but with new and unprecedented fashion accents exit the car. They are all fit and attractive people. Two males, two females.
NARRATOR: This Halloween, get ready for a homecoming.
HANDSOME LEADER GUY: Here it is.
DUSHKU LOOKING GIRL: We’re going to stay HERE?
Cut to what they are looking at. An abandoned suburban neighborhood. Long neglected and being taken over by overgrowing woods. Autumn leaves are changing and multicolored leaves swirl through the air.
HANDSOME LEADER GUY: Where my parents grew up. Where they had to flee from due to the war. I’m taking it back.
FUNNY BLACK GUY: And you just brought us along to help fix up pretending it was a camping trip?
GOTH GIRL: I like it, it makes a STATEMENT.
Cut to puffy eyes behind cat’s eyes glasses looking through the bushes at the teens and heavy breathing.
The teens have made a ‘camp’ inside one of the overgrown suburban buildings, fire roaring in the fireplace being the only thing keeping the dark at bay.
DUSKU LOOKING GIRL: So what’s the story with this place?
HANDSOME LEADER GUY: Ever since my folks left in the Culture Wars, no one has been here. Only now that we are rebuilding did I find out I still have the deed.
GOTH GIRL: It was places like these that they originally came from you know. The Cancelers.
Sudden look of fear passes between all the teens.
GOTH GIRL: For years they reigned. Anyone could be fired, shunned, or disappeared for offending them.
Cut to the basement, POV of looking up through the floorboards at the teens. Sounds of multiple people breathing heavily.
GOTH GIRL: Living standards declined, the people suffered under the feudal reign of technology companies who used them to divide the populace. Society was given only identities in recompense for their trouble. But then, the uprising began-
FUNNY BLACK GUY: Yeah, this is primary school stuff. Why did no one come back out here though. Free land.
GOTH GIRL: The suburbs were tainted and left to rot. After the purges people thought the few surviving Cancelers would return there.
DUSKU LOOKING GIRL: Then why are we here?
Back to the POV of whatever is under the floorboards.
(O.S.) AGED VOICE: Take them.
GOTH GIRL: Nothing has been seen of the survivors since.
HANDSOME LEADER GUY: Its time to take back the heritage robbed from us-
The trapdoor bursts outward into the campers in a spray of wooden shards as multiple emaciated scuttling forms emerge and assault the teens. They are middle-aged and withered, looking like meth heads. They wear weathered Mardi-Gras style anime girl heads that obscure their faces.
NARRATOR: But this home is no safe space.
Rapid flashing of dark scenes under ground as the anime-headed skinny men beat and carry the teens down earthen tunnels filled with pastel-colored children’s toys and broken electronic equipment.
The four are dumped in a kind of throne room akin to a hoarder’s nest. From a tunnel that recedes into blackness comes a mechanical whirring that grows ever closer.
NARRATOR: It the nest of things better left buried.
The four scream as a bloated woman with no legs emerges from the dark on a mobility scooter. Her hair is asymmetrical and blue, her eyes milky under cracked cat’s eye glasses.
BROODMOTHER: Xze, Xzi, Xzo, Xzum. I smell the blood of CISCUM.
The anime heads prostrate in front of her and then scuttle about. The Broodmother points to the Funny Black Guy. ‘He will do nicely to start.’
He screams as two anime-heads pick him up and carry him forward. Broodmother spreads her legs.
BROODMOTHER: Welcome to the polycule, you will know honor here, Pee Oh Cee.
FUNNY BLACK GUY: (desperately) Wait! I’m gay! I can’t! No women sorry!
Broodmother’s face become livid.
BROODMOTHER: DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER?
The anime-heads recoil in shock.
BROODMOTHER: POLYCULE! LEAVE NONE OF THESE FASCISTS ALIVE!
The anime-heads raise their ‘faces’ into the air and let out a keening wail in unison as the four teens struggle free and flee down the darkened corridors.
NARRATOR: They did not know the folly of coming. They did not heed the warnings of those who said stay out of the suburbs.
Montage of scenes of the characters struggling with anime-heads in the dark, sudden ambushes and rusted torture chambers flash before our eyes as horror synth reaches a manic crescendo. Handsome Leader Guy is clearly shown on a leash, scrambling about on all fours and forced to eat viscera from a dog bowl. Dushku Looking Girl knocks an anime-heads mask off, recoiling from the neckbeardish face beneath which we briefly see has an impossibly expanding mouth opening ever wider like a gateway into a portal of tongues.
NARRATOR: Now it is THEY who are…
Goth Girl clutches a hatchet in panic as she hides under a desk in what looks like an abandoned human resources office while the Broodmother looms in the doorway in silhouette.
BROODMOTHER: There’s no room for your problematic edginess in this wholesome home, sweaty.
(Rated R. Coming to theaters near you this Halloween. Don’t See it alone.)